2019 Highlights, part 2 - When I Stopped Writing
While this one happened in 2019, I haven't written about it before. Only now do I feel compelled to share it.
So, as the the title states, I stopped writing completely for a period, sometime in the middle of the year, winter. All I did basically was read. And watch movies when I got so tired of reading or my sister wanted to watch a movie with me. (I believe it was the holidays as I only remember doing this stuff and nothing else, except eat and sleep and other stuff like that. Eventually, it traveled into school days when I still wasn't writing.)
Why this happened you may ask? Well, not sure how it happened, but somehow God revealed a part of myself that I never thought of. That I was using my stories for a place to escape and for comfort instead of God. I can't lie - it was painful and shocking. I felt empty, like I was missing something. But I wasn't. I was just missing something I didn't need, something I had for most of my life. That's why it felt the way it did.
I don't remember when I felt I could write again. It was a rocky start. I had deleted all my stories ages ago and I had to remind myself not to use old ideas (no matter how brilliant they were to me). I can't lie - I kept all my important characters from all my old stories. But I gave them all new faces, so they're not the same as before. I actually don't really know who they are now. Some I figured out, others still haven't yet.
And I also kept all the creatures I found in mythology and the few ones I invented. Kept some names I created, but not many. Also have a world with the same setting as an old story. That is it.
If you're wondering, I haven't felt guilty about it. Everything felt new with these things. The further I went into creating, the further they moved from the old. Into so many unexpected ways. Anyway, the new stuff overcome any old if there were.
Since then, my writing has been much more alive. That's one of the signs that God approves of my writing. Also, he's so more involved in it all. It was so worth dying this part of myself for what I have now. But it is not easy. At all.
Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash
Why this happened you may ask? Well, not sure how it happened, but somehow God revealed a part of myself that I never thought of. That I was using my stories for a place to escape and for comfort instead of God. I can't lie - it was painful and shocking. I felt empty, like I was missing something. But I wasn't. I was just missing something I didn't need, something I had for most of my life. That's why it felt the way it did.
I don't remember when I felt I could write again. It was a rocky start. I had deleted all my stories ages ago and I had to remind myself not to use old ideas (no matter how brilliant they were to me). I can't lie - I kept all my important characters from all my old stories. But I gave them all new faces, so they're not the same as before. I actually don't really know who they are now. Some I figured out, others still haven't yet.
And I also kept all the creatures I found in mythology and the few ones I invented. Kept some names I created, but not many. Also have a world with the same setting as an old story. That is it.
If you're wondering, I haven't felt guilty about it. Everything felt new with these things. The further I went into creating, the further they moved from the old. Into so many unexpected ways. Anyway, the new stuff overcome any old if there were.
Since then, my writing has been much more alive. That's one of the signs that God approves of my writing. Also, he's so more involved in it all. It was so worth dying this part of myself for what I have now. But it is not easy. At all.
Wow, that is such an amazing story of how God showed you what your writing was and completely redeemed it for something new and powerful, I can't wait to see more in the future!
ReplyDeleteThank you. It's the most honest post I've written so far.
ReplyDeleteI've gone through times like those too. They definitely can be hard but ultimately we come out better for it.:)
ReplyDeleteYes, I can testified to the truth of that. I have learned so much since this happened. Thanks for commenting! :)
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