Bookish Pet Peeve: 100 Years Old Love Interest

{Updated version} 6/10/22

{Second updated version} 27/02/23

So while I like to not have tags over my head, it can get mundane or even overwhelming. I imagine you guys can get sick of tags too. I'm really trying to be intentional about what I post is something I love and enjoy doing because it's self-care to do what you love and not what you feel obligated to do for your audience and stuff. It's especially important when your mental state crashes on you. 

Which is me right now. Or was. I feel a lot better now than I was months ago. So that's something. Honestly, because I'm feeling better I am writing this post. I don't know if it is just me, but I can tell looking over my recent posts that, even though I have been consistently posting, it looks like a struggle. I just had no energy or time to do those posts my soul is burning to do. But that's okay. Even though I have been mostly writing posts for blog tours and cover reveals, those posts helped me to keep going. They have been honestly a blessing to me, keeping me active when I could have just easily disappeared off the face of the earth for a while. It also gave me something to create which is deeply helpful for my mental health.

I'm just so thankful for this community I am surrounded by for giving these opportunities to me. You mean more to me than you know. And for those who have keep up with my blog through this time despite it being a little fish in this ocean of blogs, thank you so much. 💜

Photo by Jonathan Borba on Unsplash

Anyway, today, I want to talk about the topic that has been bugging me since I have started reading YA fiction. This is going to be designed like a discussion post, with several different sections.

• In depth why I don't like it
• Why it could be harmful
• How the target audience makes it more harmful
• When it can be okay to use 

Also disclaimer: I am not judging people for enjoying this thing. Since it seems common, I know people love it. But I personally think it's a problematic element that I can't tolerant much and ruins my desire for the characters to be together (which is a problem as a reader). But it doesn't mean I will hate the book for it or it will stop me from reading the book, it just removes most, if not all, of the enjoyment for the romance. Again, this is a discussion post, and purely based on personal preferences and beliefs. If you don't feel the same, that's great! All I ask of you is that you will at least consider my points. Also I would love it if you could explain in the comments why you don't think it is problematic because I love to hear different opinions on these topics. 👇

In depth why I don't like it

First off, let's set the scene. So we have a teenager girl (most examples I know of are girls), about 16 or 17, and she meets a teenager boy. But the boy isn't a normal boy. He's an immortal and has lived at least 100 years. He only looks like her age because, well, he's an immortal. And the two fall in love and live happily ever after after major events tearing them apart.

Sounds okay, right? Just a beautiful fantastical romance, right? But it feels icky to me when in the real world my country takes minors and adults romantic relationships seriously. Mostly when it goes wrong, but also when it just isn't appropriate. Yes, fiction doesn't need or have to reflect real world, especially genres like fantasy. But I personally believe there should be a line drawn where reality should shown at all times. And when it comes to this, I don't see reality shown at all. And that's a huge problem.

You're telling me it's normal to see teenager girls fell in love with a guy who actually is the age of her great-grandfather and has the knowledge and experience of one too, and no one has an issue with that??? It isn't automatically creepy that this very adult man is looking like a teenager and hanging out with teenagers??? His love internet is literally a child compared to him in every way!!! I just can't. This disturbs me. Seriously.

*deep breaths* And it is so romanticized with no serious conversations about it or consequences. It always seems to be treated as super romantic and awesome thing. It bothers me how normal how everyone (I mean the characters) treats this. When it's abnormal and should be treated as weird or even, just a little bit, concerning? Why is it so easily accepted? Why it is only a passing thought or two? WHY ARE THEY FLIPPING JOKING ABOUT IT AND NEVER SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING IT???    

Okay *coughs* I just summed it all up for you. I'm pretty sure you can see why this bothers me so much. But I will have a more calm bullet point list below so it's easier to see all of the reasons why I hate it. (Cause let's be honest, my rant above isn't that clear with the reasons 😅).

• It isn't realistic enough
• Minor falling in love with a 100 hundred year old dude
• Immortal guy's appearance is like a minor's, and he hangs out with minors
• No one cares about the age gap, especially the couple
• No cares about the knowledge and experience gap
• The whole thing is technically creepy and gross, plus illegal if the setting is modern
• It is overly romanticized
• Has zero consequences

Why it could be harmful

It may sound silly to mention that fiction has such influence on people that it can be harmful. It's just a book, right? People know it's not real or to take it seriously. But the thing is, books are powerful. Words are powerful. And I hear all the time how people are hurt or frustrated or mad about certain elements or portrayals found in books. You all know them. When people legitimately complain about something and ask for authors to do better, it is actually something harmful and it needs to be changed as much as possible.

Now I know mine is more a preference than anything. I have never heard anyone complaining about it. Joking about it, yes, and even mocking it sometimes. But never in a way "this is terrible, why this is common in YA fiction". As far as I know, I'm the only one. I know people who agree with me, because I complained about it with them once or twice (maybe more), but they don't count. I wouldn't have known they disliked it as well if I didn't rant about it. So yeah I feel alone in this, but I bet I'm not.

But the point I am making here is that, "is it harmful enough when it's a preference, a pet peeve?" It's not an universal fact that it's terrible or I'm sure there will be less of them. Like much less. So is there any point to saying it's harmful when it isn't a big deal to everyone else?

My answer is yes, there is a point. Just because most people are fine with it doesn't mean it doesn't have a negative impact on the audience. Even small. It counts. And from what I mentioned in the last section, I think I have good reasons for saying it's harmful.

It is harmful because of the very reasons why I hate it, so I'll try to not repeat myself here. But it's also a huge missed opportunity. Why? Because it can be an example of healthy and unhealthy relationships. I mean if it has to be a thing, I think it could be a starting point for discussion about relationships. It has so much possibility to go really deep into this topic if the authors wanted it to. (As I said, it bugs me how little people really think about it. It shouldn't be some normal romance. But I said this already so I'll stop 😝). 

I realise saying it is harmful because the reasons I hate it is vague (I'm very rambling at the moment so bear with me), like how does these reasons make an impact on real people's lives? 

1. Well, for one, I think it is unintentionally promoting inappropriate relationships. There's just some relationships that some people just shouldn't do or that have many consequences. At least stories should have warnings for this sort thing, but because it is unintentional, it leaves these facts out of the picture.
2. And as I said, it shows unrealistic relationships issues or situations. It should be more forbidden or more secretive. It says it's perfectly okay and that are no consequences. There should be more conflict surrounding the age, knowledge and experience gap, even with just the younger love interest (considering in the fact that possibly in some cases only the love interest knows they are an immortal). Maybe some actually shows it is forbidden or it has some consequences or there is internal conflict surrounding it, but they still end up together perfectly and everything is fine. To me, it paints false expectations that this sort of relationship will have. I think it would be a lot more messy and that's a problem for me personally. Though I do get that many stories have everything wrap up nicely in a bow, which is fine. I get that. But still, it doesn't really excuse it. 
3. The last thing would be that it never teaches the audience that this relationship has a problem. It says to the readers that it's a perfectly normal romance and you should just ship them. It's so easy to brush over the genuine weirdness about it. Which I think is the worst part about it for me. How easy that this issue is toss aside and ignored. If it was one or two books, I wouldn't care. But it's not. It has crossed the line to being a common trope.     

How the target audience makes it more harmful

Another thing is this fiction is for TEENAGERS. Knowing myself as a teenager and from observing others, I know how greatly teenagers can be influenced by the media. To be honest, I have no idea how much influence I have from the media I consumed but I know it's much more than I think. It's so easy to be caught up by other people's ideas and opinions, both the good and bad, and one of the best ways to gather this sort of stuff is through books and films. Not everyone is a bookworm but the ones who are likely introverts who don't have much of a social life (because they are introverts). Also teenagers are super insecure (I am still insecure) and are easily affected by what the world tells them, whether through social media, films, books, etc. Books and films indirectly, or even directly with certain things, teach them how to feel, think and act relating to relationships. Not to mention how many of them experience the heartbreak and struggles and all the rest that makes up relationships at such a young age. And generally not in the best safe and healthy way.

Considering all that, as well as the fact, from my own personal experience, that I do genuinely use books and movies to better understand the world as it is one of the most accessible ways for me, it's even more harmful. Plus when I read I hope to learn something new about me or others. While I have a solid belief foundation, not a lot of young people do and can pick up the wrong things, whether it is intentional from the author or not. And honestly, something that can be unintentionally harmful is more harmful than something that is meant to be harmful.

Also I believe that YA fiction should be promoting safe and healthy relationships as much as possible because of their target audience. No other audience, in my opinion, needs guidance on relationships than teenagers do. They need the stories that they look up to show a good picture of what a solid relationship is like, whether they are conscious of this or not. I genuinely believe that YA should have the highest standards for relationships and should be careful how they represent them. Considering how confusing and messy a teenager life is just on the individual level alone. Just imagine (I have to imagine because I have been single for my whole life as of right now) how bewildering is it with a relationship on top of it all. 

When it can be okay to use

So when is ever okay? Well, I have been thinking about this for a while now. I get that the concept of someone falling in love with an immortal is appealing. My solution that is less creepy, weird and gross, is that just simply making the teenager lover into an adult. Even an 18 year old is better than an 17 year old.  And, no, it doesn't count if the teenager turns 18 during their relationship. (Disclaimer: I am not saying that age is truly any better because as someone pointed out 18 year olds are still in high school, and it's really creepy with that in mind. Also I have never been personally comfortable with the love interest being that age. My point in using that age was just to show the minimal adult age. The law won't protect 18 year olds as much as they do 17 years old and under. BUT, is it morally right for an immortal to date an 18 year old who is still in school and lives with older adults under their authority? I'll let you answer that question for yourself.) Plus knowing YA like I do in the mainstream, no one waits for romance. They just jump right in. So the argument that they were both adults when they officially have their happily ever after is pointless. I bet they at least were swooning over each other in their thoughts if not physically by the time the younger gets older. You can't convince me it counts.    

But anyway, I don't see why one of them has to be a teenager other than because of the target audience and I've already covered that teenagers shouldn't reading about someone their age falling in love with ancient dude who-just-happens-to-look-like-their-age-too. It literally makes no different if you just tweak the age a bit and get rid of the high school and them living with their parents, etc. You can still get the same romance as before.

I think the older the love interest is with the immortal the better. Now I'm not saying that they have to be a super old person. In real life there are couples who are decades apart. You just need to keep in mind that an immortal has a wider age gap than normal people. And because of that you need to think about the sort of experience and knowledge that their younger love interest might not have yet or ever. Also why the immortals easily adapt and hold the same beliefs as those born and living in the modern times (by modern I mean the present time that the story is set in). Thinking about it, it's quite odd that immortals are so good at pretending that they are younger than they are, even when they aren't lying about their age and have let down their guard. I have never heard of even the wisest old person understanding young people so well that they think and behave like them perfectly, and aligning with every single belief. It's normal for older generations to have different opinions about certain things than the younger ones, because humans change all the time. Not everything can or will remain the same. 

Here is a list of things that I think can help make this trope even better, particularly for the YA audience, since it's quite popular there. Of course, it's preferable if this trope is only used in NA and adult stories, and I would recommend that everyone wouldn't write this trope into YA books, but there are exceptions, if done right, I have to admit. So with that in mind, while I'm not endorsing that is okay for YA to have this trope, I am saying that if this trope was done in certain ways it would be more suitable for it to be there. I hope all of this makes sense. 

•  The love is unrequited, either by the young love interest or the immortal
•  They decide to keep their relationship as a friendship, because it's too complicated for a romance
•  It is a toxic relationship, where the young love interest has to learn how to free themselves and walk away from the immortal, especially when they still love them
• The young "love interest" loses attraction for the immortal when they find out their age, or the immortal is weirded out when they notice the young "love interest" has a crush on them
• Both move on without each other, don't pursue a relationship with each other at all, and/or find new love interests who are closer to their ages

While on this topic, I actually have two stories, one book and one film, which I actually enjoyed and I thought used this trope the way I can accept. I still don't like this trope but I can see when it is done well. They also don't reach their full potential with using this trope but I must admit I have a little bit of high standards in this area (for good reasons).

The first one is Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo. *MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD FOR THE BOOK.* YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.* As those who have read this book or series know, The Darkling is that immortal who looks like a young man (I am not sure if he's meant to be a teenager or twenty-something year old). Alina, the protagonist, falls for him (of course) but *plot twist* he's the villain and so she ends up not with him. To be honest, I was shocked this happened this way but it was good shock, and to this day it is one of my favourite things about this book. It actually showed that maybe being with an immortal is toxic!? YES. THANK YOU.

*END SPOILER*

The next one is one of Disney's most recent live actions. Since it is a new film, I know it is most likely for people to not know this so I would highly suggested if you haven't watch it to not read this and skip to the end. I don't even want to reveal which film is because even knowing it has this trope will likely help you figure it out. And it's a good plot twist. I wasn't shocked or anything but it was still good so I really don't want to spoil this for you guys. 

*MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD*

Jungle Cruise is the best I know of that uses this trope exactly like how YA fiction does. Except it has adult characters (which automatically makes this better in my opinion) and it's hardly weird. Well, it's still odd, because Frank is like hundreds years old (I forgot the exact number) but Lily is like in her thirties at least if I'm guessing her age. So really it's a perfect portrayal for this trope. I still not 100% comfortable but as I said, I have high standards.

*END SPOILER*

So yeah, this is the end of this discussion! Let me if I wasn't clear on something or I missed a point. I would love to chat it out in the comments!

For now,

Farewell, Virtual Paper Adventurers!

Does this trope bother you? Do you love this trope or are neutral about it? Do you agree or disagree with my points?